Empower Change Grief Guide: Understanding and Managing Grief When Someone is Expected to Die

Grief is a moment. Grieving is lifelong. It is non-linear, circular, and deeply personal. This guide offers practical and emotional tools to help you navigate the anticipated death of a loved one. Take what you need, when you need it.

PHASE 1: GETTING PREPARED

Legal Documents

• Last Will and Testament

• Living Will / Advance Healthcare Directive

• Durable Power of Attorney (Financial and Healthcare)

• HIPAA Authorization Form

• Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) Order (if desired)

Financial Information & Planning

• Bank, retirement, investment, and crypto accounts — with numbers and passwords

• Updated beneficiary designations for life insurance, IRAs, and 401(k)s

• Pension and/or Social Security information

• Debts and obligations list

• Life insurance policies and financial advisor contact

Personal Documents

• Photo ID, Social Security card, birth and marriage/divorce certificates

• Military service records (if applicable)

• Deeds and titles (home, vehicles, etc.)

Healthcare & Funeral Planning

• Physician contacts and medical records location

• Palliative or hospice care preferences

• Organ and tissue donation preferences

• Funeral preferences (readings, music, burial or cremation type)

• Select funeral home and prepay if possible

Legacy & Emotional Planning

• Write letters or record a video message for loved ones

• Document family traditions, recipes, values, or faith practices

• Ethical will (life lessons and hopes for the future)

• Identify trusted adults who can remain in a child's life long term

Share the Plan

• Hold a family meeting, store documents securely, and give copies to relevant parties (executor, attorney, POA)

• Review and update every 2–3 years

PHASE 2: DEATH AND ITS IMMEDIATE AFTERMATH

Even when death is expected, its arrival is still a shock. Do what needs to be done, and let others help with the rest.

First Few Days

• Notify family, friends, and employers

• Arrange childcare and notify schools

• Contact the funeral home and request at least 10 death certificates

• Locate essential documents (see Phase 1)

Funeral & Children

• Decide if and how children will participate in the service

• Assign a point person to manage logistics so you can focus on family

• Explain the death to children in age-appropriate terms and maintain routines

• Inform teachers and connect with a grief counselor or therapist

Legal, Financial & Administrative

• Notify the estate executor and begin probate

• Apply for Social Security survivor benefits

• File life insurance claims and update beneficiary designations

• Close or freeze spouse's accounts and credit cards

• Contact spouse's employer about final paycheck, retirement accounts, and COBRA

• Update deeds, titles, and insurance policies

• Meet with a financial advisor to create a new plan

PHASE 3: CARING FOR YOURSELF & YOUR KIDS

Self-Care

• Build a support network and seek regular counseling or a grief group

• Don't rush decisions — allow time for grief

• Protect small rituals: movement, journaling, time with others

Your Children

• Be present with unconditional love — it's the most important thing

• Be honest about what you don't know; children value truth over reassurance

• Ensure access to therapy and peer grief support

• Revisit conversations often — grief evolves as children grow

Long-Term

• Update your own will, advance directive, and powers of attorney

• Reevaluate housing, work, or school arrangements as needed

You will not always know the right thing to say or do. That uncertainty is part of grief. What matters is that you keep showing up — for yourself, for your children, and for the memory of the person you loved. That is enough.